How To Create Boundaries With Technology For YOU And Your Family
Tired of feeling addicted to tech? Understand tech addiction and discover strategies to set healthy limits with technology for YOU and your kids to reclaim your sanity!
When my boys were young, we loved going to the park. We’d make a point to find at least one new park a month in the surrounding cities to explore. Our favorites were the ones that had concrete slides and big trees to climb.
My boys were young and didn’t have devices yet, but I and many other mommas sitting around the park did. Many of the moms were glued to their screens in a perpetual state of mindless scrolling: a quick form of escapism.
...I understood and empathized so much.
I was also exhausted and just wanted to be mindless for a while. I appreciated quick ways to steal a few minutes of "me time" to check out, while the kids played.
I have a term for this kinda behavior for mommas, who aren’t getting their needs met and really just need a breather from their mental, emotional, and physical load…
...The term is Z.O.M.B.ie (Zoned Out Mom Behavior)
It’s a silly term that makes me laugh instead of cry about the situation. Just so you know, I've been a long-time member of the Z.O.M.B.ie global club, and can very easily recognize other members ;-)
(Remind me to tell you about the time I healed from Chronic Fatigue. Talk about being "zoned out!")
Fast forward to the present…and now sadly, most of us are addicts!
Over the years, I’ve had to learn how to set some boundaries, not just for my kids, but for ME, as well!
Dopamine! Let’s talk for a sec about the role it plays in addiction.
Dopamine plays a crucial role in tech addiction by driving the brain's reward and pleasure systems. Here's how it works:
Role of Dopamine in Tech Addiction
- Reward and Pleasure: Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that signals reward and pleasure in the brain. When you engage in activities you find fun and enjoyable, such as eating, exercising, or using technology, your brain releases dopamine. This release reinforces the behavior, making you want to repeat it.
- Instant Gratification: Technology, particularly social media and smartphones, is designed to provide instant rewards. Every notification, like, comment, or message triggers a small release of dopamine, creating a sense of pleasure and reward. This instant gratification can make it difficult to stop using these technologies, as your brain continuously seeks these quick dopamine hits.
- Reinforced Behavior: The continual release of dopamine when using technology reinforces the behavior, leading to habitual use. It’s why you incessantly find yourself checking your phones repeatedly, even unconsciously. The anticipation of a potential reward (like a new message or notification) triggers dopamine release, reinforcing the behavior.
- Are We Trained Addicts: The frequent and unpredictable rewards provided by technology mimic the reward patterns seen in gambling and other addictive behavior. This unpredictability can lead to what's known as a "dopamine loop," where the brain is constantly craving the next reward, making it difficult to break the cycle of tech use.
Because we’re all immersed in tech, and so incredibly busy, how will you know it’s a problem? Here are some signs to watch out for YOU and the fam…
Warning Signs of Tech Addiction
- Preoccupation with Technology can look like…
- Frequently thinking about being online or using a device even when not using it.
- Getting overly excited about the next opportunity to use technology.
- Increased Time Spent Online can look like…
- Gradually increasing the amount of time spent using technology.
- Ignoring responsibilities or hobbies instead of spending more time on technology.
- Loss of Control can look like…
- Unable to control or reduce the amount of time spent using technology.
- Unable to cut down or stop using technology.
- Negative Impact on Daily Life can look like…
- Decline in academic or work performance due to time spent on technology.
- Strained or waning relationships with family and friends because of excessive technology use.
- Physical Symptoms can look like…
- Poor sleep quality or insomnia due to late-night technology use.
- Eye strain, eye discomfort, or vision problems from prolonged screen time.
- Frequent headaches or general fatigue linked to excessive tech use.
- Psychological Symptoms can look like…
- Feeling anxious, restless, or irritable when unable to use technology.
- Mood swings or feeling depressed due to technology use or its restriction.
- Social Withdrawal...
- Preferring to spend time online rather than interacting with people in real life.
- Not interested in social activities or gatherings.
- Interference with Daily Functions can look like…
- Overlooking basic self-care activities like eating, bathing, or exercising due to tech use.
- Allowing technology to interfere with daily routines, such as meals or bedtime.
- Loss of Interest in Non-Tech Activities can look like...
- Lack of interest in activities that were previously enjoyed.
- Using technology as an escape from real-life problems or responsibilities.
- Increased Tolerance and Withdrawal...
- Requiring more time on technology to achieve the same level of satisfaction.
- Experiencing symptoms like agitation, anxiety, or sadness when unable to access technology.
How to set some house rules for yourself and your family.
I was a more go-with-the-flow kind of mom. We definitely had rules that we mostly stuck to, but one thing I always made sure we did was to get outside.
My favorite destressing, detoxing activity was hiking in the Bay Area hills with my boys.
I coined the term P.O.O.F! It stands for Prioritize Outdoor Offline Fun.
Another acronym I learned at the kid's school was D.E.A.R. time. It stands for drop everything and read. We had so many awesome books to read that when it was D.E.A.R. time, and we needed a tech/media fast, it was a healthy alternative to being glued to the TV or a device.
Here are some house rules/boundary ideas that could be helpful for you.
- Create Tech-Free Zones. This can be NO phones or tablets while we're eating; that includes breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.
- Turn Wi-Fi Off for extended periods of time.
- Schedule screen time
- Plan Tech-Free Family Activities. This is where P.O.O.F. can come in.
- Leave the Phone Behind. (This is harder for us, I gotta admit)
While not everyone is on the path to tech addiction, I think it's always better to be proactive and prepared rather than feeling helpless, anxious, and unprepared.
You can make a big difference by simply checking in with yourself…and your kids daily, setting clear tech boundaries, having open conversations about the risks of addiction, being flexible with your tech rules, and addressing any unmet needs.
...Awareness is the precursor to change!
There are lots of strategies that can help steer your family away from unhealthy screen habits. And if you or a loved one is facing a serious tech addiction, seek professional help. There’s always a way back to a balanced, healthy life.
Technology can be a fantastic tool, as long as you use it mindfully instead of mindlessly.
I hope this article helped provide some insights and solutions. Let me know what you got out of it :-)
