HOW I LEARNED TO STOP BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER

Growing up with an alcoholic parent shaped me in unhealthy ways that have taken me decades to recognize and heal.

...I think the pattern I’ve worked on the most has been people-pleasing by building better boundaries and empowered limits because my reflex was to ALWAYS SAY YES!

HERE'S WHAT PEOPLE PLEASING LOOKS LIKE AND HOW IT HURT ME

One specific time I gave in to others' demands was during the birth of my first child. I was incredibly grateful to have a relative who worked in labor and delivery at the hospital where I was going to deliver my baby boy.

I felt like I was part of the inner circle (the nurse’s mafia). I was given extra-special treatment and introduced to all the services I would ever want.

...I felt so supported and taken care of and was looking forward to an amazing experience.

Remember, this was my firstborn, so I didn’t know what to expect. When it came time to deliver, I was whisked into a room, given the epidural, and then waited to dilate. 

 ...In these kinds of moments, you rely on and TRUST your family/community will support you.

I felt supported until the time when I went into labor.

My relative then started asking me if others could come into the room to witness the birth. I was definitely super uncomfortable with the idea, but I was in a vulnerable place. 

Regrettably, I said yes because of my chronic, unhealthy people-pleasing pattern.

 My husband and I didn’t talk about this. I was unaware of how important it was to make this decision before I went into labor. 

…So, I said yes, when my mind and body were screaming NO!. I said yes because of my chronic, unhealthy people-pleasing pattern.

 It tainted my whole birth experience. I couldn’t fully enjoy the experience or relax. I felt really uncomfortable by having others in the room whom I never would have invited in. I felt like I was trying to hide my body, which is impossible during birth.

I was incredibly angry and felt manipulated by my relative who should have known better than to ask me that while I was IN LABOR.

 AND…I was pissed at myself and my husband for not being able to say “HELL NO!” You better believe I set some strict boundaries around my second birth and it was a whole different experience. 

I share this story because people-pleasing is a common challenge many women/moms face. So today on Independence Day, take a breather, my friend! Find some personal time and space, and reflect on the topic of independence, and what it means for you. 

Let me help you get started here: Spiritual and Personal Development Symbolism of Independence Day

SPIRITUAL SYMBOLISM

LIBERATION & FREEDOM:

• Energy of Release: Independence Day can symbolize the release of limiting beliefs and old patterns, similar to how the U.S. gained freedom from colonial rule. This can be a time for you to shed what no longer serves you and embrace new possibilities.
• Spiritual Autonomy: The holiday can represent spiritual sovereignty, encouraging you to take control of your spiritual journey and trust your inner guidance.

TRANSFORMATION:

• Renewal and Rebirth: Just as the birth of a nation represents a new beginning, you can use this time to start anew, setting intentions for personal and spiritual growth.
• Phoenix Rising: Metaphorically, it symbolizes rising from the ashes of past challenges, embodying resilience and the power to overcome obstacles.

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT SYMBOLISM

EMPOWERMENT:

• Self-Determination: Independence Day serves as a reminder to take charge of your destiny. It can inspire you to set personal goals and work diligently towards achieving them.
•  Assertiveness: It can encourage you to stand up for your needs and rights, promoting assertiveness in both personal and professional spheres.

REFLECTION ON VALUES: 

• Core Values and Beliefs: This day can inspire introspection about what values and beliefs are truly important, allowing for a realignment with the truest version of yourself. 
• Integrity and Authenticity: It can highlight the importance of living in alignment with your true self, fostering a life of integrity and authenticity.

COMMUNITY AND CONNECTION:

• Collective Strength: It symbolizes the power of coming together for a common cause, which can translate into fostering stronger community ties and relationships.
• Support Networks: Emphasizing the importance of having a support system, it can remind you to cherish and build networks of friends, family, and mentors.

 Here are three journal questions for MORE PERSONAL INDEPENDENCE...

1. Personal Liberation: 
   1. Q. What beliefs or habits are currently holding me back from achieving true personal freedom?
   2. Q. How can I begin to release these limitations?
2. Empowerment and Goals: 
   1. Q. In what areas of my life do I need to assert more independence and self-determination?
   2. Q. What steps can I take to set and achieve goals that align with my authentic self?
3. Community and Connection: 
   1. Q. How do I contribute to my community and support those around me?
   2. Q. In what ways can I strengthen my connections and foster a sense of collective empowerment and support?

By reflecting on these themes, Independence Day can serve as a powerful metaphor for personal transformation, liberation, and the continuous journey toward self-improvement and spiritual growth.

Are you ready to make some positive changes in your life...

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